Disobedience School for Humans Raised to be Good Girls and Nice Guys is 16 weeks of learning, group coaching, and conversation exploring the risks, consequences, and necessity of courageous and conscious rule-breaking as a way to create joyful connection and sustainability in our relationships and in the world.
Together, in conversation and relationship, we’ll examine the real-life personal & relational impacts we experience—and perpetuate—living in punitive cultures of dominance (like white supremacy, cis-hetero-patriarchy, capitalism, and their oppressive spawn)… and how we can meaningfully misbehave for our own joy, the health of our relationships, our communities & our organizations, and the good of humanity.
When we don’t understand how obedience is gendered, racialized, and dictated by cultural norms telling us what is expected of us given our age, our income, our sexual preference, our size, our vocation, our marital status, our physical abilities, and all of our external & social identities… we selectively punish each other (and ourselves) for the inappropriateness of our joy, our anger, our grief, our desire, our fatigue, our curiosity, our hunger, and our pain.
When the experiences and expressions of our full humanity offend the status quo, showing up in our wholeness is disobedient.
We came by our obedience honestly. We have been punished for our differences, and rewarded for our compliance with conditional belonging and the illusion of safety if we continue to behave.
We are raised in contexts that teach us being “good” (however we learned to define goodness) will somehow earn us the safety, security, and belonging we fundamentally and ever-so-humanly need. We figured out early and brilliantly how to survive and get our basic needs met within oppressive, neglectful, or abusive families, institutions, organizations, and systems by following unspoken rules and hiding the parts of ourselves that garnered painful attention & punishment.
But now—when we want something more than survival, when the needs we seek to meet are greater than just our own, when we want to transform our conversations, relationships, and world into something more joyful and sustainable—those strategies of obedience that kept us safe aren’t enough to create the intimacy, connection, and right relationship we know are possible… And they ARE POSSIBLE.
The good news is different choices are available to us if we are no longer satisfied by what we’ve always done.
In this fiercely facilitated, compassionate, and sometimes uncomfortable conversation, we’ll explore the contexts, constructs, and systems we inhabit together, the identities we hold within them, and the challenges they bring to our most important relationships. We’ll also explore and celebrate our responsibility and innate power, along with the possibilities that are available to us when we are disobedient enough to show up truthfully as who we are and with what we have… because the just, sustainable, connected, and humanizing conversations, relationships, and world we want to create require us to break rules that damage and fracture the conversations, relationships, and world we currently have.
- is not a space where judgment, shaming, or punishment are employed as teaching tools. You will be both supported and challenged to examine your conditioned beliefs, and you will not “get in trouble” for not knowing things, making mistakes, or taking care of yourself.
- will not neatly answer all of your questions. In fact, you’ll probably leave with some new and different questions to explore. (Yay!)
- is not a comfortable or “safe” space. Things get messy, because it’s real life—and we can navigate the discomfort together with grace and care, because uncomfortable doesn’t have to mean difficult, and messy doesn’t have to mean sloppy.
- will not bypass the systemic realities of white supremacy, cis-hetero-patriarchy, and capitalism. If you are unready or unwilling to share in frank conversations that explore identity, socialization, systems of oppression, relative privilege & marginalization, and our shared ecosystems, please consider joining us at another time. If you are willing but kind of uncomfortable, welcome to the conversation!
- is not a support group (although I welcome and encourage supportive, loving humans to join each other here). Support groups provide a space for people to share personal experiences, feelings, and coping strategies. While acknowledging your lived experience is a crucial element of your experience in Disobedience School, having the group hold space for emotional processing or lengthy personal stories is not its intended function.
- is not a space for excavating, supporting, or processing trauma. This bears repeating: in our conversations differences are inevitable, and nervous systems get activated. If you are unable or unwilling to take care of yourself in the presence of discomfort, difference, or tension, this is not the space for you.
Disobedience School is not for you if…
- you prioritize your own comfort, other people’s comfort, or the safety of being perceived as good over joyful connection
- you’re committed to the belief that if you work hard enough at it and fix everything that’s wrong with you, you will someday finally be good, nice, or perfect enough to experience joy, be loved, & make an impact in the world
- you are committed to living a life in which no one ever accuses you of wrongdoing
- performing the role of Good Girl or Nice Guy is already getting you the life and world you want
However, if performing goodness & niceness is not contributing to more joyful and sustainable relationships and the world you want to create, and you’re considering trying something different, let’s talk.
Some Disobedience School Logistics & Specifics:
- 13 Weekly live 2-hour conversations
- All sessions take place live, via Zoom (sessions are not recorded)
- Optional resources, challenges, and journaling & discussion prompts
- Next session: March 29 – June 21, 2022
- Maximum number of participants: 15
More you is better, even (especially) if being fully, messily, gloriously, intentionally, and powerfully you means breaking rules that have never aligned with what’s most important to you.