Love Letters to Humans (no. 93) — More You Is Better

When we hide or diminish ourselves to avoid being alone, we’re already alone—we’re just doing it around people we haven’t really given a choice to be with us. More you is better.

It’s imprecise, this one. We’re probably not really alone, but it can feel like it when we’re busy making everyone’s choices for them instead of relating with them. #AskMeHowIKnow

It’s a power move, a swift act of protection, the decision to abandon ourselves before anyone else can make the decision to abandon us… a brilliant learned strategy for avoiding rejection and heartbreak that we come by honestly through no fault of our own.

We decide it in advance using stale evidence from the past: I’m too much. I’m not enough. I’m not good. I don’t belong. I’m different and that’s scary. What if they find out what I’m really like inside? What if *I* find out what I’m really like inside?

If hiding ourselves is brilliant for avoiding heartbreak, it’s because it’s so consistently effective for avoiding opportunities for joyful connection. Sometimes that’s where we are and what we need. AND… if what we want is more connection, relational joy, and intimacy, we can choose something different and decide to share more of who we really are and what we really have inside.

The realest, truest, most authentic you is necessary to this world and worthy of being witnessed. More you is better.