Love Letters to Humans (no. 69) — on Decisions

What is right relationship when you’re not getting what you want? How do you make room for yourself? What choices support your integrity and sustainability?

Right relationship isn’t something that happens to us when everything is going according to our preferences. We make decision after decision, and each choice we make supports or undermines the relationship we want to have with ourselves.

Decision is where our sovereignty resides—not in our power to change other people’s behaviors or control consequences, but in our power to make choices rooted in what we are (knowingly or otherwise) most committed to.

I’m not saying that any of this is easy or fair. We often don’t get to choose what is happening to us or outside of ourselves. Gravity, weather, oppressive systems, culture, other people’s actions—these are only some of an entire world full of things we may understand or influence but we do not control.

Something we have that is ultimately and wholly ours… our next decision. To attack or to regard, to defend or to relate, to avoid or to presence, to control or to witness, to consume or to create, to assume or to inquire, to hide, to judge, to wait, to ask, to declare, to follow, to cherish, to hate, to release, to struggle, to commit, to punish, to remain, to feel, to distract, to wonder, to allow, to push, to enlist, to retaliate, to request, to pity, to destroy, to thank, to learn, to observe, to breathe, to continue…

I’ve been grappling this month with questions about what I’m up to, what I’m choosing. What does practicing right relationship mean when my decisions disappoint or anger someone else, or when I am not getting what I want? What are my truest and deepest commitments? How do I relate to difference in ways that make room for me and nurture sustainability?

I don’t have the answers, but I’m here for digging around in the questions, practicing, making new decisions, and finding what gold is there to be uncovered. If you are too, I can’t wait for our next conversation.


Relationship is. Right relationship nourishes.