Love Letters to Humans (no. 68) — on Other People’s Judgments

We are not obligated to join anyone in their opinions, judgments, and criticisms of us. (Not even people we love.)

Our dignity, sovereignty, and worthiness are innate. …&… Others may not have desire, skill, or capacity to regard us as worthy, sovereign, and possessed of dignity. Both of these things can be true at the same time without negating the other.

We are allowed to have an experience of ourselves as whole, worthy, and sovereign, even when someone else disagrees.

Disagreeing with external judgments about us does not mean we stop listening to and caring about the experience and feelings of others or taking responsibility for our decisions. For most humans, to do so would lead to a very lonely and bleak experience of life.

Having an experience of ourselves as whole, worthy, and sovereign, even when other people disagree means that we stop taking on their opinions about our worthiness, particularly when those opinions are influenced by whether or not we are obeying them or giving them what they want. It means we commit to making decisions based in our actual integrity, and we stop engaging in the hopelessness of trying to manage other people’s feelings & beliefs about us and their perceptions of our integrity.

We do not control other people’s expectations, judgments, and criticisms of how we live, love, lead, heal, get free, carry what’s ours, and put down what is not. …&… We decide how (or if) we will participate in someone else’s judgments and criticisms of us, whether or not we will take them on as our own, and whether or not we will let other people’s ideas about us stop us from doing what we came to do.


What doubts, opinions, expectations, judgments, and criticisms of you are you taking on as truth?

Who benefits from your agreement to join them in doubting and questioning your innate dignity, sovereignty, and worthiness?

What did you come here to do?