Love Letters to Humans (no. 59) — More you is better

Today’s little reminder: More you is better.

A thing about our relationships is that we are in every single relationship we have… unless we aren’t. A thing about relational joy is that it is relational… we can only experience the joy we show up for.

When we hide who we are and what we have—especially in our most important relationships, especially when the stakes are the highest—we miss opportunity for joyful connection.

We come by this relational fuckery honestly. In punitive cultures thick with patriarchy, white supremacy, and capitalism, hiding our difference is a survival strategy we learn early. It keeps us safe. It protects us from being punished for being different. It’s a brilliant strategy for making it out of childhood alive, but what now?

If hiding is working for you right now, carry on. Seriously. How you make your way through this world requires no justification. – and – If you find that hiding your difference is habitual, no longer protects your peace, and prevents you from connecting joyfully with other humans, maybe more you really is better.

When I say “More you is better” I mean that what you have is necessary and worthy of being shared. Your grief, your anger, your sadness, you grudges, your accusations, your pain, your questions, your celebrations, your joy, your intelligence, your emotions, your interests, your desires, your broken heart, your fears, your affections, your attractions, your beauty, your suffering, your laughter, your songs, your weaknesses, your power, your wants, your needs, your unreasonable loves… everything.

I do not mean that it is wise to display everything we have at all times. Relational joy is typically not a result of disregarding other people. There are times and spaces that serve various aspects of our self-expression better than others.

What I mean is that we can neither be authentic with one another nor at peace with ourselves if we are hiding and repressing truths about ourselves that long to be known.

You do not have to be known by others. You do not even have to want to be known. But if you want authenticity and joyful connection in your most important relationships, more you is better.