Love Letter to Humans (no. 39) — on The Right Way™️

Only one right way: The relational fuckery of believing there is a single, superior way to be or to do a thing, then upsetting yourself about, judging, or diminishing those who cannot or will not comply… including yourself.

People often tell me in our first conversation that they have resistance to the word “right” when I talk about right relationship. That makes sense given our enculturation into binary (right vs wrong) and supremacy thinking. We imagine, “if I’m doing relationship differently than you are, then one of us must be doing it wrong. And if one of us is DOING it wrong, then one of us must BE wrong.” And just like that, someone is less valuable, less worthy, less human.

I’m not here for the binaries, the supremacy, and the perfectionism we’ve used to create this narrow definition of right. So far I have not encountered a single, superior, right way to think about or be in relationship. And when we get it wrong, we can practice amends and repair.

I’m talking about the kind of right that is right for you and is sustainable for the ecosystem of the relationship. You are in every single relationship you have, and it is in you. What’s right for you may be different from what is right for someone else. Right may be different today than it was yesterday. Relationships change and “right” changes because we change. And every time we change, we’re different than we were before. Difference is inevitable. Now what?


Relational Practice: Regard for difference

Where can you set aside contempt for your own differences or the differences of others?

What possibilities emerge when there are many right ways of being and doing?


Over the final weeks of this year I’m exploring some of the ways dominant, punitive, white supremacist patriarchal culture impacts the ways we learned to relate to ourselves and with one another… and how we can choose something different.

Registration for REGARD: an Exploration of Right Relationship is open until December 29th, or until seats are filled.

I also have space available for private coaching in the new year. I want to dive deeper and practice together in 2020—if you do too, let’s talk.