Love Letters to Humans (no. 28) — on Accountability

Right Relationship requires discernment. When we mistakenly believe that our desire to change and control other people’s behavior is accountability, we suffer needlessly.

Control—the antithesis of love—is not accountability. It is an attempt to force the other into being different because we have decided that our joy is dependent on their behavior. (This is an enormous amount of power to give to someone else, and I have my suspicions about agreement and consent in most cases, but that’s perhaps another conversation entirely.)

Control is rooted in fear. It is an implicit (or explicit) expression of contempt, manifested through judgment, blame, and disconnection—from each other and our own responsibility.

Accountability is rooted in love. It is an implicit expression of our inherent belonging to one another, manifested through witness, inquiry, and collective responsibility.


Where are you attempting to control someone else and calling it accountability?


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